{"id":7497,"date":"2026-05-03T16:55:19","date_gmt":"2026-05-03T14:55:19","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/?p=7497"},"modified":"2026-05-03T16:55:38","modified_gmt":"2026-05-03T14:55:38","slug":"to-build","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/to-build","title":{"rendered":"To build…"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

To build<\/strong>
I cannot use words that destroy.<\/strong>
To build<\/strong>
I cannot use words that divide.<\/strong>
It\u2019s that simple\u2026<\/strong>

If I start with blame<\/strong>
Error<\/strong>
If I start with accusations<\/strong>
Error<\/strong>
If I start because I\u2019m right<\/strong>
and you\u2019re definitely not<\/strong>
Error<\/strong>
If I start from my triggered, intense emotion<\/strong>
Error<\/strong>

What builds?<\/strong>
Or maybe,<\/strong>
what doesn\u2019t destroy?<\/strong>

First \u2014 calm.<\/strong>
Back to baseline.<\/strong>
I take care of myself first.<\/strong>

What emotion is this?<\/strong>
Rage.<\/strong>
Anger.<\/strong>
Fury.<\/strong>
Despair.<\/strong>
Sadness.<\/strong>
What is it telling me?<\/strong>
What is it opening in me?<\/strong>
Where does it hurt?<\/strong>
Dig a little.<\/strong>
Get curious.<\/strong>
About yourself.<\/strong>

Is it really only about this situation in life?<\/strong>
Probably not.<\/strong>
Separate it \u2014 as an adult.<\/strong>
Into \u201cback then\u201d and \u201ctoday\u201d.<\/strong>

With the \u201cback then\u201d \u2014 only you can work through it.<\/strong>
In silence.<\/strong>
Within yourself.<\/strong>
\u201cThat\u2019s how it was.\u201d<\/strong>
These are the defense mechanisms I created.<\/strong>
Do they still serve me today?<\/strong>
How can I see myself<\/strong>
and allow those old<\/strong>
and intense emotions to move through me?<\/strong>

With the \u201ctoday\u201d \u2014 work through it:<\/strong>
1. See<\/strong>
2. Stop<\/strong>
3. Change <\/strong>
What do I no longer want today?\u00a0
What hurt me?\u00a0
How do I no longer want to be spoken to or treated?\u00a0
Create 3 sentences you want to say to the other person.\u00a0
Three matters.\u00a0
Focus and extract only the essence.\u00a0
Don\u2019t drift into last week.\u00a0
Don\u2019t go back to last month.\u00a0
What hurts me. Now.\u00a0
What I no longer want. Now.\u00a0
And start with I.\u00a0
I feel bad when you speak to me\u2026\u00a0
I get triggered when\u2026\u00a0
I no longer want\u2026\u00a0
Express yourself clearly.\u00a0
Stay within 3 sentences<\/strong>
\u00a0 \u2014 starting with I.\u00a0 <\/strong>

And for it to work,<\/strong>
try<\/strong>
to say them calmly.<\/strong>

It\u2019s hard at the beginning.<\/strong>
\u201cBut it\u2019s him\/her\u2026\u201d<\/strong>
\u201cBut if only I change, nothing will change\u2026\u201d<\/strong>
\u201cThey are the one triggering me\u2026\u201d<\/strong>
Yes \u2014 it is hard at the beginning.<\/strong>

But when, at the start of every change<\/strong>
you choose yourself<\/strong>
that change will finally become possible.<\/strong>

That\u2019s the difference.<\/strong>
Practice and self-development<\/strong>
will bring results.<\/strong>
For you.<\/strong>
You will never change anyone just by wishing it.<\/strong>
But when you start changing within yourself<\/strong>
it begins to become real.<\/strong>
When we begin to behave differently<\/strong>
the world does not stay still.<\/strong>
It follows the change.<\/strong>
In a different response.<\/strong>
In a different reaction.<\/strong>
In a different tone.<\/strong>
Try.<\/strong>
Test.<\/strong>
Experiment.<\/strong>
Feel… that this is your life.<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"To build I cannot use words that destroy. To build I cannot use words that divide. It\u2019s that…\n","protected":false},"author":244696633,"featured_media":7491,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"advanced_seo_description":"","jetpack_seo_html_title":"","jetpack_seo_noindex":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"csco_display_header_overlay":false,"csco_disable_site_padding":false,"csco_singular_sidebar":"","csco_page_header_type":"","csco_page_load_nextpost":"","csco_post_video_location":[],"csco_post_video_location_hash":"","csco_post_video_url":"","csco_post_video_bg_start_time":0,"csco_post_video_bg_end_time":0,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[1610,1556,1584],"tags":[1615,1612,1617,2192,1576,1575,1725,1574,1586,1974,1856],"class_list":["post-7497","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","category-emotions-signposts","category-partnership","category-relation","tag-change-is-me","tag-emotions-are-signposts","tag-inspiration","tag-lets-build-our-world-together","tag-my-way","tag-personal-development","tag-personal-growth","tag-self-awareness","tag-the-power-is-in-you","tag-the-power-is-within-you","tag-together-we-build-our-world","cs-entry","cs-video-wrap"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/sandrasinger.blog\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/05\/IMG_0541-rotated.jpeg?fit=4032%2C3024&ssl=1","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/pfugTc-1WV","jetpack_likes_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7497","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/244696633"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7497"}],"version-history":[{"count":11,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7497\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":7511,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7497\/revisions\/7511"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/7491"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7497"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7497"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/sandrasinger.blog\/en\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7497"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}