I have to choose.
Not – what is better for me.
But – how I will survive.
What I must leave behind.
What I must bury.
What I must give away.
When my world splits in half.
I split in half.
In that moment, my inner child abandons everything
that will not help it survive.
There is no time.
There is no experience.
There are no tools.
The cuts are biological.
Evolution.
What do I need in order not to die?
Only biology remains.
I cut off sentiment.
I cannot feel unloved twice.
I do not need that.
I will turn it into something else.
And so, piece by piece.
Digging all the way back to it later takes a great deal of time and effort.
Digging back – to finally understand myself.
To finally accept that it almost killed me.
To finally let go of all those survival “masks” I put on – in order to survive.
To dig back – is to integrate myself again.
In my truth alone.
What is mine.
And what is not.
To dig back – is to uncover myself emotionally.
To shake myself free.
To choose.
And to restore.
All those parts of me that I had to abandon back then.
In all those moments that were so overwhelming for me – I abandoned a different piece of myself.
Today, I call them all back.
Today, I invite them all in.
Because I am an adult now.
Because I know how now.
Because I have the tools now.
Because I have myself.
❤️
