To build…

To build
I cannot use words that destroy.
To build
I cannot use words that divide.
It’s that simple…

If I start with blame
Error
If I start with accusations
Error
If I start because I’m right
and you’re definitely not
Error
If I start from my triggered, intense emotion
Error

What builds?
Or maybe,
what doesn’t destroy?

First — calm.
Back to baseline.
I take care of myself first.

What emotion is this?
Rage.
Anger.
Fury.
Despair.
Sadness.
What is it telling me?
What is it opening in me?
Where does it hurt?
Dig a little.
Get curious.
About yourself.

Is it really only about this situation in life?
Probably not.
Separate it — as an adult.
Into “back then” and “today”.

With the “back then” — only you can work through it.
In silence.
Within yourself.
“That’s how it was.”
These are the defense mechanisms I created.
Do they still serve me today?
How can I see myself
and allow those old
and intense emotions to move through me?

With the “today” — work through it:
1. See
2. Stop
3. Change
What do I no longer want today? 
What hurt me? 
How do I no longer want to be spoken to or treated? 
Create 3 sentences you want to say to the other person. 
Three matters. 
Focus and extract only the essence. 
Don’t drift into last week. 
Don’t go back to last month. 
What hurts me. Now. 
What I no longer want. Now. 
And start with I. 
I feel bad when you speak to me… 
I get triggered when… 
I no longer want… 
Express yourself clearly. 
Stay within 3 sentences
  — starting with I. 

And for it to work,
try
to say them calmly.

It’s hard at the beginning.
“But it’s him/her…”
“But if only I change, nothing will change…”
“They are the one triggering me…”
Yes — it is hard at the beginning.

But when, at the start of every change
you choose yourself
that change will finally become possible.

That’s the difference.
Practice and self-development
will bring results.
For you.
You will never change anyone just by wishing it.
But when you start changing within yourself
it begins to become real.
When we begin to behave differently
the world does not stay still.
It follows the change.
In a different response.
In a different reaction.
In a different tone.
Try.
Test.
Experiment.
Feel… that this is your life.