What didn’t I learn in school
but I’m teaching my child?
Emotional regulation.
There’s a meme that says
we’re the generation of
the “unseen” and “unheard” children.
And now we’re the ones
meant to teach our kids that they matter.
…Seriously?
But the truth is – at least, it’s my truth 🙂
We are the first generation that can do this.
We are the first generation with the chance to change.
Our parents’ generation,
they were the post-war generation.
Children of people who had lived through the real war.
War, and all of its consequences.
So for their parents – our grandparents,
the most important thing in the world was survival.
To put food on the table.
To find a place to stay safe.
No one was thinking about “gentle parenting.”
That concept didn’t even exist in their world.
Our parents were the first generation
to be born into freedom.
Our flower children.
They grew wherever the sun happened to shine.
They took what they could.
They had to fill themselves up on their own.
And they raised us with whatever they had managed to gather along the way.
But we – we are the privileged ones.
Privileged by peace.
Privileged with the luxury of food and housing.
Privileged with time.
Time to think,
to compare,
to question.
Privileged with access to information.
With access to books and materials about everything and everyone,
to courses, certifications, webinars, and schools.
Privileged in a world that keeps expanding – in science, psychology, technology,
and knowledge about other cultures, races, and religions.
We heard the stories from our grandparents,
but we also felt their love.
We wanted to be everything to our parents,
but we watched them spin in circles,
looping through inherited trauma.
That’s heavy.
That hurts.
But it also means:
we are the ones in our family lines privileged with awareness.
We are the ones who can change so much.
So how do I give my child something I never had?
That question shook me.
When I first heard it, my son was one year old.
“You can’t give your child
what you don’t have yourself.”
Full stop.
There’s no way around it.
So how do we do it?..
Self-awareness is such a beautiful thing
because healing begins the very moment
you realize something.
The better I can see myself
– the better I’ll be able
to see my child.
The better I can hear myself
– the better I’ll be able
to hear my child.
The more deeply I can feel myself
– the more deeply I’ll be able
to feel my child.
I can change so much — just by starting with myself.
I cannot teach my child how to regulate his emotions
until I learn how to regulate my own.
Everything begins with me.
The change in my motherhood
starts with me.
