Part 2 – I’m Learning to Recognize My Needs
They often piss us off.
They often irritate us.
They push our buttons.
“Seriously?”
“Can’t you see?”
But what, really?
“Can’t you see my pain?”
Our anger, our little sadness,
or simply something that bothers and irritates us,
is also – or perhaps above all – about us.
It is important information for me… about me.
Behind that irritation, there is a need.
To be seen.
To be cared for.
To be heard.
To be appreciated.
We often shout at each other from the place of unmet needs
– deep inside us.
That’s why it irritates us so much.
How can I hear someone else’s needs
when I don’t allow myself to hear my own?
How can someone hear me
when they are drowning themselves out?
Everyone has different needs.
Often our arguments are not really information
about someone else
– but about us.
It is worth learning how to separate the two.
Every time:
- Information about what happened between us
– what happened here – 3 sentences – concrete facts.
And we give ourselves Time and Space. - Information about me
– where is the true source of my triggered red button?
I go there on my own.
With tenderness.
With the Loving Inner Parent I have built in my heart.
With attention.
And with kindness.
Life itself and everyday life
are our teachers.
For us.
That’s why Family can be so difficult. 🙂
Usually, we can’t run away from them.
And they place some of the most important
lessons in front of us.
About setting boundaries.
About learning to express ourselves.
About staying loyal to ourselves.
About staying connected to ourselves while being
in a relationship and considering each other’s needs.
About empathy.
About compassion.
About our ego.
When we begin to look at our loved ones this way,
they stop seeming so “scary”.
Instead, we can smile and say to ourselves:
“I’ll try to go through this differently.”
Then somehow, I feel lighter,
and life begins to make more sense.
Because really, they’re just little hurdles to get over. 🙂
I’ll somehow figure it out with my feeling heart.
No.
I’ll somehow get through it with my feeling heart.
Because it is our ego that “figures things out”,
while the heart finds a third way. 🙂
